“What is it then to be properly educated? It is learning to apply our natural preconceptions to the right things according to Nature, and beyond that to separate the things that lie within our power from those that don’t.” – Epictetus, Discourses, 1.22.9-10a
My friend Brian Niece recently invited me to be a guest on his podcast called Reimagining. The subject of the podcast was friendship. Brian and I met while he was co-pastor at the church my wife attended, and have since become very close. We share a love for critical thinking, and in spite of our differing positions on the existence of, or access to, a deity, we have more in common than not. He is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in Humanities while I pursue my masters in philosophy.
I share this brief bit of history to put in context how much we both value education but with a rub. As we discussed how thinkers like Aristotle and Confucius defined friendship the conversation settled into how relationships can be lost because of differing opinions and beliefs. How we cease to see the other as someone who holds convictions as passionately as we do. At times the arrogance of being educated, or well read, deceives one into thinking that is the pinnacle of being educated. It’s not. The pinnacle of being educated centers around the knowledge, but also knowing how to use it so you don’t lose friends in the process.
Approaching this meditation from the position that humans are social animals, that relationships are the foundation of how we come to know the world and ourselves, it is inconsistent to call one’s self “properly educated” if the education does not entail an acceptance that it’s only as good as how it can be shared. We must be aware or relationships afford us access to others so that we can share what we know, and in turn learn from what they know.
Our power is in having the right perspective. We must be aware that the other also has that power. It is equally true that as we learn, so do they. We cannot force it on someone, but we can ensure, through friendship, a consistent access.
“You are not your body and hair-style, but your capacity for choosing well. If your choices are beautiful, so too will you be.” – Epictetus, Discourses, 3.1.39b-40a
Another hiatus from the daily meditations finds me powering through a Tuesday in an effort to get level. Now is a good time to remind those who honor me with their visits that my goal with these blog posts is to share what I consider the timeless wisdom of the Stoics in an effort to approach life in the best way possible. Each day presents us with opportunities to be distracted by external forces, and the Stoics remind us those things are beyond our control. We only have power over how we respond. I am not asking anyone to become a follower of Stoic thinking. In fairness, I’m not sure I can distance myself from some of the emotional attachments I have for people. Example: If a loved one where to pass on I don’t see myself moving forward with “well I only had them on loan from nature”. But we can choose the words of these great Stoics as guides in how not to be consumed by the actions of others or the acquisition of things.
Which leads me to this meditation. Beautiful choices. Oh how deep we could go just discussing what it means to say something is beautiful. Let’s briefly frame how beauty works using relationships. You are at a club/bar and you see an attractive person. You walk up to them and strike up a conversation. While completely taken with the color of their hair, the shape of their face, and their general sexuality of appearance the more they talk the less attractive they become. In spite of the designer clothes and athletic physique, the words coming out of their mouth are like mud on a rose. How does this happen?
We are not what we wear, what we drive, or what we own. These are appearances. Our choices make up the story of who we are. When the clothes go out of style, when the car breaks down, and when our possessions cease to be ours we are only left with person that his behind our name. It is important that we look beyond the appearances of others, and that we are aware of the choices we make that simply feed an appearance.
Isn’t interesting how what is beautiful has changed over history. Simply look at how people are presented in works of art. Beauty has not always been thin, fit people. Or those who look well tanned.
One thing that represents beautiful choices are the friends we choose to surround ourselves with. Consider the words of Confucius.
“Having three kinds of friends will be a source of personal improvement; having three other kinds of friends will be a source of personal injury. One stands to be improved by friends who are true, who make good on their word, and who are broadly informed; one stands to be injured by friends who are ingratiating, who feign compliance, and who are glib talkers.”
“We can remove most sins if we have a witness standing by as we are about to go wrong. The soul should have someone it can respect, by whose example it can make its inner sanctum more inviolable. Happy is the person who can improve others, not only when present, but even when in their thoughts!” – Seneca, Moral Letters, 11.9
Happy is the person who can improve others. It’s as if this meditation knew how I would end my observations on the previous meditation. A broken clock being what it is…
Accountability groups. I first heard this term at a men’s event at a church. The suggestion was for the men, after the event was over, to make time to meet at least once a month. At these meetings, they could share with the group whatever challenges, or successes, that came their way. It would create not only closeness but also would develop a sense of trust.
Cato is used as the title of this meditation because he was considered a bold and brave individual. He stood up to Julius Ceasar, was known for not taking bribes, and was generally incorruptible. Seneca is reminding us that we all need a Cato. Someone we trust to hold us accountable. Someone we would not want to disappoint even when they are not present.
We may find that in doing so we become Cato’s for others.