“Whenever someone has done wrong by you, immediately consider what notion of good or evil they had in doing it. For when you see that, you’ll feel compassion, instead of astonishment or rage. For you may yourself have the same notions of good and evil, or similar ones, in which case you’ll make allowance for what they’ve done. But if you no longer hold the same notions, you’ll be more readily gracious for their error.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.26
I want to share the questions that close this meditation.
How much more tolerant and understanding would you be today if you could see the actions of other people as attempts to do the right thing? Whether you agree or not, how radically would this lens change your perspective on otherwise offensive or belligerent actions?
In Roger T. Ames’ book Confucian Role Ethics, A Vocabulary, he presents the question (p 163) of how a son should cover for his father, and a father for his son. The heart of the question lies in role ethics and justice. Let’s assume a father steals something and his son witnesses it. The son could go to the authorities and have his father arrested, or he could confront his father and allow him to make good on this act which soils the father’s virtue. Which is the appropriate thing to do? From a Confucian role ethics perspective, the community is better served through retribution done so that relationships are not severed. I read this as a distinction between State law as coercive, the laws which we truly choose to live by.
What if our first thought wasn’t to seek vengeance or justice against those who have harmed us? Obviously, there are measures of extremes and at times such extremes might find us less willing to understand the “why”. But we can take this quote to be more in line with someone who thinks what they’re doing is right, and that right thing is in conflict with our right thing. It’s not giving into a passion because we feel slighted. Not assuming we are the direct target of the act or words.
It boils down to us being aware that others have reasons for the things they do. If we have such an awareness, we may find that we value the relationship above all else because we seek to observe from an others eyes. Isn’t this also a type of freedom?